a lost chapter

I Am So

I am so down, so down
that I feel almost optimistic

From the deepest dark corner of it
a million light years away
That voice keeps coming and coming
to tickle me, tackle me
suffocating me

I feel so sick, so sick, so sick of it
that I am almost happy

You were so pretty, so pretty
The sweetest thing I have ever kissed
a million eons ago
on the street
outside the ancient Forbidden City

We kissed, we giggled, and we wiggled
And we kissed more
We were so almost happy

It was all so pretty, so pretty, and so so
realistic
that we could not ignore

It was all so real, so real
So unrealistically real
and so ridiculously a thrill
that it all seem really not so long ago
when you put the time on hold
and said
Behold
We are for real

Then, gradually, you're gone
fading into the oblivion
while your voice lingers on
Behold Behold
We are for real

I feel so sick so sick
and so tickled of it
that I am almost happy

And so tickled...

Ch. 3 -- In My Own Pool

I open my eyes and close my self
dislike to see what I see of myself
in the mirror of terror

Dream fools
Depression rules

Today stands still
like a forgotten shadow of an abandoned ancient mill
nothing's real or unreal
It may not instantly kill
but sure it grinds down a good man's will

Tomorrow comes and goes
skipping Today every time
straight to Yesterday's hollow grave
Which may not be a crime
but sure it brings no hopes for any of the young and brave
or the old and rave

Alcohol fools
Depression rules

I stand still in the middle of the one-way Time Street
counting days come and days go
More than once or twice I lost count of my sheep
having been startled by the squealing shriek
of the coming of Tomorrow

Time fools
Depression rules

I close my eyes and open my self
by the Time's empty shelf
I am glad to see I am only my own fool
drowning in my own pool
of sorrow

Photo Copyright: Przemyslaw Lyskawa

chapter 2

The Shanghai Boulevard

When I wobbled down the boulevard
Feeling more dizzy than high
under a paled moon in a silky blue scarf
Like a veiled lantern over the western sky

I giggled
loud enough for me to hear
when I struggled
to look for another round of beer
before the day come to light

I startled
two, or three, shadowy guards who stood
upright
at the gate of the American Consulate
that only works for the American expats
living in the neighborhood

I grumbled
feeling more hazy than right
when I stumbled by
under a dangling frail light
above their military hats
They turned to look
but never moved
That was good

When the night's getting paler and deader
I was so glad that
I found my next stop for a cheer
right around the corner
at the end of Shanghai Boulevard

I could hear it so clear
when I tumbled down the fading morning moon light
the broken-up radio waves pounding in my heavenly channeled ear
And I chuckled with delight that
I had had some fun the night
before

Photo Copyright: Oliver Oliver